So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
