she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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