dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
