Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
