Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
