That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
