She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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