you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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