Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize