She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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