I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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