Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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