There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Are we in a gay sports bar?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
