okay pat passed out under dana's car
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
