I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
