Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
