Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
