Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
