Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he puts the penis in happiness.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
