Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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