I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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