yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
