Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You pole danced in your parka.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
