He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
