thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
