You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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