Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
