Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
