You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The adults are the big ones right?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
