What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
