I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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