Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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