He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
