Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
