i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
