Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
