you mean i was at the winter classic?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
