Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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