All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
