I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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