Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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