Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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