i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
