please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
