well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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