I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
