you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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