I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
