It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
