Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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