Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
